How To Use Urethral Sounds

/ Wintersong / 158 Comments

This post totally blew up in a way I never expected. It’s gotten quite a lot of traffic over the years, and I was eventually prompted to do a revised version. Below you’ll find the original “How To Use Urethal Sounds,”  followed by a more lengthy and expanded sounding primer. If the first interests you, be sure to also read the second.

Enjoy and play safe! – Winter Tashlin 4/16/14

 

How To Use Urethral Sounds

originally posted on 8/21/12

Sounding can be a very enjoyable way to play with ideas of penetration, fuck with gender, and experience new and hot sensations. It can also be easily incorporated into all manner of D/s play. The techniques used for sounding aren’t terribly difficult, but there are some simple steps you can take to make it safer and more enjoyable.  

First off, get an *actual* sound or sounding set. You’re way better off dropping $50 on proper sounds than finding thing around the house that might fit in your urethra. Seriously, I mean it. 

Second off, get some sterile surgical lubricant. The best in my opinion is “Surgilube” and you can order it off Amazon or from your local pharmacy. I buy a one gross (144 packets) box of 2oz packets. There are other companies that are a bit cheaper, but they aren’t as pleasant to use, and honestly, you can probably get a 1 gross box for around $30 and it’ll last a couple of years. If you’re just playing with yourself, you can also get an 8oz or 16oz tube as an alternative. 

Clean and rinse the sounds well after each use. I play with multiple people, so I disinfect my sounds with SaniCide after each use, and then clean the SaniCide off with Dr. Bonners or a mild dish soap (you don’t want that stuff in your body), and then I do a quick wipe with rubbing alcohol right before i use them. But again, if it’s just you, you can probably just get away with just the Dr. Bronners/dish soap and the alcohol. 

Now for the whole “using them” part 😉

If you have a standard set, for instance of Hagar sounds, which are probably the most common, you’ll probably NOT want to use the smallest sound in the set. The smaller the sound, the higher the risk that you could screw up (especially at first) and puncture the urethral wall, which sucks about as hard as it sounds. 

Find the largest size that you can put into your urethral with a minimum of resistance and no feeling of stretching. With Hagar sounds I most commonly start beginners off with the third size up. Remember if you’re using a Hagar set that they are dual ended, usually with a 1mm difference between sides, so that’d be the smaller side of the 2nd smallest sounding rod. 

Lube the first several inches of the sound well, and also spread some lubricant around the meatus (piss slit). Being careful to stabilize the sound with your hand, place the end into the meatus, and carefully and gently guide it into the urethra. Use an absolute minimum of force, if any, at this point. Ideally you want to let the sound “fall” in as far as it wants. Once it stops going in, just let it be for a bit, focusing on the experience and sensation, and then maybe try moving it in and out about 1/2 inch. At this point you may want to take out and re-lube the sound. 

Once you’re used to the sensation of having something in your urethra, which can take anywhere from a few seconds, to minutes, to never, you have two clear options: you can bump up your size a bit, or you can go a bit deeper. 

Either way, you’ll likely need to use more (gentle) force to insert the sound or push it further in. This may be uncomfortable. You may feel pressure, or a burning sensation and this is pretty normal. What you DON’T want is any sharp pain or the feeling that one place hurts *more*, especially at the tip of the sound, this is a big warning sign from your body and you need to listen. 

In order to take a sound deeply, you may have to experiment to find the right angle of your penis to your body for the urethral passage to be conducive to sounding once the sound passes the base of your penis. You also may find in the case of Hagar sounds in particular, that the sound wants to rotate around its axis to continue deeper. 

You generally don’t have to worry about entering the bladder (which you emphatically do NOT want to do) as long as you don’t push hard against the sound once it hits resistance while pretty deep in. You can always check how deep the sound is by feeling for the end between your legs along the perineum (taint). If the sound vanishes into your penis, especially if you are rather well endowed, it’s nothing to worry about. You can always retrieve it by finding the bottom end either at your perineum or along your shaft (depending on sound and penis lengths) and pushing up from there.  

There’s a good chance you’ll have some burning with urination for a few hours or even days, this is normal, as is possibly a bit of blood, particularly when you’re new to sounding. If you have a discharge, fever, or cramping, seek medical attention. Also, if you’re prone to urinary tract infections, this may not be the play for you. 

Once you’re accustomed to and comfortable with the whole idea of sounding, you can start experimenting with masturbating with it in, or using the sound specifically for sensation or pain play. Applying pressure to the outside of the urethra for instance with the sound in place is a great way to add some pain both in the moment, and later, as it will be more likely to burn during later urination. You can also “fuck” your penis with the sound. Use short motions, and remember to be very careful, especially if the sound is relatively small. 

Done properly, sounding is generally on the safer end of the kink/BDSM spectrum. Play safe and have fun!

 

An In-Depth Primer On Sounding

originally published on 12/8/13 as part of The Bilerico Project’s short-lived “How’s That Work” feature on sex and kink

Of all the myriad topics I teach on, not to mention play modalities I personally enjoy, urethral sounding is without a doubt the one that consistently gets the biggest reaction when I bring it up.

As a rule, cis guys in particular fall into one of two camps when sounding is mentioned: The first group are the men who say “I’ve always wanted to try that,” or regale me with stories of what random objects they’ve put down their own urethras. The second group tends to go pale, unconsciously cover their groin, or tell me that the very idea makes them actively nauseas.

For a bit of background, urethral sounding is the act of inserting a rigid object into the urethra, usually some considerable distance. Its origins are as a medical procedure, and it was primarily used in the days before modern prostate-shrinking medication, as a way to keep the urinary passage open in men with prostate enlargement.

Today it is mostly done for fun.

There are of course, a number of reasons people may enjoy sounding:

  • It’s a form of penetrative play using a completely different hole than usual, and the physical sensation of a sound in the urethra can be intense and exciting. Some sounding enthusiasts compare the sensation to anal fisting, although personally I am not qualified to judge the comparison.
  • Sounding can be a real mindfuck experience. It’s penetration, but in one’s penis, which for many men is strongly associated with the act of penetrating. Some people enjoy the way that feels emotionally, while for others it is intensely upsetting in way that can be hard to describe. Anecdotally, guys who’ve done a lot of receptive docking play don’t seem as freaked out by it, perhaps because they are already used to the idea of having their penises penetrated, albeit in a different way.
  • Deep sounding can be an awesome way to do prostate stimulation of a kind many won’t ever have experienced.
  • For folk who like some pain in their sex, sounding can be done in a way that is erotically painful, mostly through size choices and how one stimulates the sound when it’s in place.
  • Going back to the first point about penetration in a new hole, there’s dominance and submission play that can be revolve around the act of one person sounding another.

So then, how to go about doing this whole thing?

First off, get an actual sound or sounding set. It’s a far better idea to drop fifty to one hundred dollars on proper sounds than it is to go around the house finding thing that might fit in one’s urethra. I really am quite serious on this point. For every person who emails me to rave about their homemade sounds, I have two messages telling some horror story involving a straw from a fast food restaurant or a too-sharp knitting needle.

Second off, get some sterile surgical lubricant. If you are in the United States, the best in my opinion is “SurgiLube,” which it can be ordered off Amazon.com or from a local pharmacy. I buy a one gross (144 packets) box of 2oz packets for around forty dollars. There are other companies that are cheaper, but they don’t tend to be as as pleasant to use.

It is of course, important to clean and rinse the sounds well after each use. I play with multiple people, so I use a hospital-grade surface disinfectant on my sounds. These days my kit has Super Sani-Cide Wipes in it, but Mada-Cide, and similar products will work. Once the sounds are disinfected, the Sani-Cide is cleaned off with Dr. Bonners or a mild dish soap to ensure that the disinfectant can’t be introduced to the body in later play. I then do a quick wipe down with rubbing alcohol right before use to remove any dirt or surface contaminants.

My professional opinion is against boiling metal sounds to clean them. The majority of sounds people use are plated in a chrome or stainless plating over a base metal. Boiling can cause separation or cracking in the plating, which can cause everything from internal lacerations to an increased risk of bacterial infection. Many silicone sounds however are fine to boil.

Now on to the practical hands-on info.

In the most common sounding sets, for instance of Hagar dilators or Dittle straight sounds, there are a range of available diameters. It’s best not to start out with the smallest sound in the set if at all possible. The smaller the sound diameter, the higher the risk that a screw up (especially at first) could puncture the urethral wall, which sucks about as hard as one would think.

The ideal first sound is the largest size that can be fit into the urethral with a minimum of resistance and no feeling of stretching. Keep in mind that the urinary passage in the glans of the penis, in people so equipped, is often wider than the urethra itself.

It’s important to apply lubricant to the first several inches of the sound, as well as around the meatus (piss slit).

Then on someone with external anatomy: Being careful to stabilize the sound with the hand, place one end into the meatus, and carefully and gently guide it into the urethra. Use an absolute minimum of force, if any, at this point. Ideally let the sound “fall” in as far as it wants. Once it stops going in, just let it be for a bit, before experimenting with moving it in and out about 1/2 inch. At this point it may also be a good idea to take out and re-lube the sound.

On someone with internal anatomy: Stabalize the sound with one finger supporting its weight as it is guided to the meatus. Be extremely careful that the sound does not slip past the meatus and enter into the vaginal passage. If it does, the sound needs to be cleaned, dried, and re-lubricated before attempting again, or the risk of a UTI will be very high. Once the sound enters the urethra, apply gentle pressure until resistance is encountered, then pull the sound back about a quarter to a half inch. Keep in mind that the urethra on someone with internal anatomy is much shorter than on someone with external anatomy.

Once accustomed to the sensation of having something in the urethra, which can take anywhere from a few seconds, to minutes, to never, there are several options: go to a larger size, trying going a bit deeper, or begin stimulation though contact with the sound or moving the sound, more on that in a bit.

The following only applies to folks with external anatomy:

To move the sound deeper into the body, begin applying gentle force on the sound. This may be uncomfortable. People sometimes feel pressure or a burning sensation, both of which is pretty normal. What is absolutely to be avoided is any sharp pain, or the feeling that one spot hurts more, especially at the tip of the sound.

Experimentation may be necessary to find the right angle of the penis to the body for the urethral passage to be conducive to the sound going past the base of the penis. In the case of Hagar sounds in particular, which have a distinct curvature, the sound may want to rotate around its axis to continue deeper.

As a rule, for people with external anatomy entering the bladder, which you emphatically do not want to do, is not much of a concern as long the sound isn’t forced once it hits resistance inside the body.

It is always possible to check how deep the sound is by feeling for the end between the legs along the perineum (taint). If the sound vanishes into a penis, especially if in the case of people who are rather well endowed, it’s nothing to worry about. It can always be retrieved by finding the bottom end either at your perineum or along your shaft (depending on sound and penis lengths) and pushing up from there.

Regardless of anatomy, there’s a good chance some burning with urination for a few hours or even days will occur after sounding, particularly for people who are new to it. This is normal, as is a small amount a bit of blood in the urine. Obviously, if discharge, fever, or cramping, occurs seek medical attention. Also, people who are prone to urinary tract infections may simply not be well suited for this form of play.

Once accustomed to, and comfortable with the whole idea of sounding, there are many ways to experimenting with sensation and play.

As mentioned earlier, on people with prostates, a sound can be used as a form of prostate stimulation, either on its own or in conjunction with anal penetration. To use a sound for prostate stimulation, insert the largest size comfortable past the base of the penis, so the the tip of the sound is two finger widths below the scrotum. Then gentle rock the sound back and forth about an inch towards the body and then away from it. Everyone’s body is different, so it may take some experimentation to find the exact placement and preferred degree of movement.

On people with internal anatomy, gentle rocking is also sometimes found to be pleasurable. Digitally stimulating the sound through the vaginal wall, and doing digital G-spot stimulation with a sound in place are other internal-anatomy-specific forms of play.

Some people enjoy moving a sound in and out of their body in a manner not unlike penetrative sex. If trying this form of play, it’s a good idea to drop down a size or two and make sure to use plenty of lube. Otherwise, abrasion of the urethra will almost certainly cause pain during urination. Use short motions, and keep the speed low and well controlled. In the case of someone with internal anatomy do not “bang” the sound up against the urinary sphincter at the end of the urethra. This is a bad idea on someone with external anatomy too, but would be highly unlike to occur.

On the subject of pain, sounding can be used as a tool for erotic pain. There are several easy and reasonably safe ways to accomplish this. The first is to stimulate or massage the sound through the urethra. This compresses the urethral between the fingers and the metal of the sound, which can range from uncomfortable to intensely painful, and can be done regardless of whether someone has internal or external anatomy. Using sounds that are uncomfortably large, or sounding someone with little or no lube are other ways sounding can be a tool for erotic pain.

Done properly, sounding is on the safer end of the spectrum of kinky play. Be safe and have fun!

 
NOTE: If you’re interested in having me come teach my sounding workshop, which covers safety, proper use of sounds, and how to use them in sex & BDSM, or any of my other kink/BDSM/sexuality workshops for that matter, I am currently taking bookings for Winter/Spring 2013 appearances. For more information, contact me here

Equality Under (Whatever)

/ Wintersong / Leave a comment

Longtime readers of NFABS may recognize the bones of a 2011 post underpinning this new essay, which originally ran 8/10/12 Bilerico.com. 

Converting, proselytizing, Witnessing . . .

My personal spiritual practice does not call for the conversion of other people to my experience of the divine. While this is not the case for a small minority of my co-religionists, for the most part my faith encourages people to find their own path and truth.

Proselytizing sometimes strikes me as the spiritual version of what the kink/BDSM community calls “involving bystanders in your scene,” but I try to be sympathetic towards those who are called to or required by the dictates of their religion to engage in these public exhibitions of their faith

That said, many of you have likely encountered Witnesses who are challenging or belligerent; I know I have. My forbearance only lasts as long as they restrict themselves to telling me how their faith brings them joy. My patience ends where their intolerance begins, and I do not allow aspersions against my sexuality or own faith.

As arrogant as I personally find the idea that someone else has appointing themselves guardian of my soul, I try to remember that a great many Witnesses truly are acting out of a sense of love and caring for their fellows.

I bring this all up because in the last several years I have noticed what one might call a new Witnessing tradition develop, particularly in LGBT community.

I’m certain it is born out of the exact same caring for one’s fellow people, and perhaps the same desire to save others from being led astray. I know these folk might not be thrilled by the comparison to Witnessing traditions practiced by people with radically different belief systems, but there are some inescapable parallels.

I am of course, talking about what one might consider to be the “proselytizing” segment of the atheist community.

Now, there are several important points I want to make abundantly clear:

  • In my experience, only a small percentage of the atheist demographic engages in what could be considered “witnessing” or “proselytizing” behavior. Regardless of your perspective on the nature of the universe, simply discussing your worldview, or even respectfully critiquing someone else’s, is not inherently an aggressive act.
  • I am well aware that the atheist community in the United States faces serious persecution throughout many areas of life.
  • People who identify as atheist have been some of the most stalwart supporters of the LGBT community’s struggle for equality.
  • For many atheists, the journey out of the religion/indoctrination of their birth is incredibly difficult, and often follows a similar trajectory to the journey out of the closet for LGBT people, up to and including the loss of family and community support.
  • The path out of religion can be a deeply fulfilling and healing one for many people, particularly for people who are part of the queer/LGBT community.

All that said, like any other convert, be it into or out of (a) faith, political party, dietary model, or any other significant part of our lives, atheists often feel it important to share their values and beliefs with people who may or may not be receptive. The parallels between religious and atheist “Witnesses” for lack of a better word, can be striking:

  • The desire to help someone see “truth” or “save” them from a life built on lies
  • Concern for others’ emotional and sometimes physical wellbeing
  • A belief that if more people thought/felt like they do the world would be a better place
  • The belief that people will come around to the rightness of their perspective if presented with it properly
  • An unshakable conviction that theirs is the One True/Right Way to think or believe
  • Disdain and pity for those of us who aren’t as “enlightened”

Reluctance to socialize or associate with those who think or believe differently is also not uncommon, but I don’t know that I’d consider that to be proselytizing behavior. I do appreciate that people often prefer to socialize and engage with people they have a shared value system with.

Directly and indirectly, I’ve been called some pretty unpleasant things by people within the LGBT community over the last few years because I am a queer person of faith. Additionally, a number of people I’ve encountered have been open about choosing not to associate with me purely on the basis of my not sharing the atheist worldview.

What the particular dictates of my faith say about queer/LGBT people, or any other topic for that matter, is considered irrelevant. It’s one of several reasons I don’t as a rule discuss my religious beliefs as part of my writing on The Bilerico Project (which I should clarify is a personal decision and not directed by the editorial staff).

I am not here to say that anyone needs to stop advocating for their perspective. A tenant of my personal faith is that faith is personal. There are those for whom atheism, or Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Judaism, or any other system of belief for that matter, is the right path in life. Just as there are those for whom it isn’t.

Diversity has long been been a guiding principle for queer/LGBT people and the struggle for our rights. Embracing diversity should mean embracing a broad spectrum of beliefs, political views (save perhaps for those that contribute to our oppression), racial and ethnic backgrounds, experiences of gender, sexuality, identity, and much more.

The LGBT community has achieved amazing gains in civil rights, visibility, and societal acceptance in the past twenty years. Many of those gains happened against an intransigent coalition of faith-based groups. But many of them happened in no small part to the direct and vocal support of a diverse range of groups that are also faith oriented.

This post in no way should be construed as saying that we have any obligation to respect or abide by the beliefs of people who use their faith as a tool for our oppression.

However, the reality is that there are many queer/LGBT people and allies who derive value from their spiritual beliefs, and who use that faith as a tool to benefit us all. As a community we spend a great deal of time and energy asking society to see us as individuals and take us on our own merits rather than be painted with a broad brush of intolerance. We shouldn’t allow beliefs and positions within our community to have the same effect.

/ Wintersong / 1 Comment

Del’s touching story about his new tattoo for Loki beautifully illustrates how devotion and spirit work can have powerful meaning while having a very different aesthetic form than people might expect.

Del's avatarSex, Gods, and Rock Stars

Loki was patient with me. I have a lot of tattoos, and several of them are spiritual in nature. But I did not have one for him, and he had made it clear to me that had to be remedied soon. I put it off for a very long time: I had a pretty ambitious one that I would need a good chunk of time and money for, and those things never manifested.

Then I found myself in a situation of sorts. There was a Lokean on the Internet who was saying and doing things that, frankly, I found deeply insulting and embarrassing. Not just for me, some random Lokean, but for Loki himself. It doesn’t matter what was said, or why, for this story. Let’s just say that there was a forum full of people who had come to the conclusion, based solely on this person’s writings, that spirit…

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Recovering From Issue Fatigue

/ Wintersong / Leave a comment

Over at Bilerico I have a new essay up on the topic of the recent German court ruling to ban non-therapeutic circumcision of minors. For many years I stayed away from the topic, for the reasons I illustrated in my (now ancient) post titled “Issue Fatigue.” In the last six or so months however, I’ve got something of a second wind (or is it a third or fourth by now). 

And the reason makes me uncomfortable: more people agree with my position now. 

When I dropped out of being a really vocal voice for the intactivist movement, things were looking grim. On the back of some seriously flawed research there was a growing push to reverse the downward trend in male circumcision and the AAP looked ready to resume their disgusting and biased support for the procedure at any moment. 

I never stopped advocating one-on-one for wholeness, and the powerful emotional and spiritual joys that could come with leaving your child’s genitals alone and/or restoring one’s own to something much closer to their natural state. I wear my DTR (a foreskin restoration device) openly in clothing optional spaces, and welcome the questions it brings. I talk about my personal feelings on the topic whenever appropriate and remain abreast of new developments, good and bad. 

But other than that, I really stayed away from it as much as possible. Even when I wrote “Issue Fatigue” back in 2007 I had commenters who strongly disagreed with the intactivist position who couldn’t let the topic drop, despite the point of the post itself. I’ve even had fellow BDSM educators imply that as someone who does consensual  male genitorture play (CBT), I was hypocritical to write about or even hold the intactivist position. It was all too much for me. 

Today though, I am far more comfortable taking up the mantle of this issue. Some of that is because I am more confident in my voice as a writer than I have been in quite a long time. But the other big piece is that the tide has turned quite a bit in support of the intactivist worldview. 

This is wonderful, but also makes me feel a bit like a total shit. I feel like a soldier who deserted the battle front when the war got to be too much, but now that the war was looking up, returned to the front to share in the glory. There are truly amazing men and women who stayed behind to slog this one out, and I don’t like the idea that I abandoned them, but the reality is that I don’t know I would have been much good had I kept going at the time. 

There are many issues that are important to me, but this one has always been a big one, and I’m going to do my damnest to keep the momentum going through educating and advocating for the right to bodily integrity of children for as long as I can. There are many more vocal allies in this fight than there were five years ago and together maybe we can really make a difference.