I asked the (really) cute guy who works at the local metaphysical shop out on a date the other evening. This was a bit out of character as I have never in my life asked someone out on a date. I’ve told friends (and let’s be honest, acquaintances too) I was interested in playing, but not actually asked a relative stranger out. Still, he’d been real flirtatious and neither Fire nor I had any doubts about his sexual orientation (stereotyping yes, but we were still right).
Not that I had what you’d call high hopes. To be honest, I am pushing thirty and not in the shape I was in before my injury and the eight years of reduced activity that followed it. I think I do pretty well with what I’ve got, but pretty well isn’t a lot if you’re asking a twenty year old model out (seriously, modeling is his other job).
He said “no” of course. He is seeing someone (20yr old model, I wasn’t shocked to find him taken) and not only are they not poly, he’d never heard of it, which almost certainly means us dating would have been a horrible idea. Introducing a poly-virgin to the idea of being in a secondary relationship seems challenging in a not-so-good way. I absolutely wouldn’t attempt it in someone already involved with someone else.
What was interesting was that although I was real nervous about how to ask him without coming across as an ass, which I think I managed, I wasn’t too worried about being turned down. I used to be terrified about what would happen if I asked someone out and they said “no.” I used to think it would fuck me up, and maybe it would have. Fire certainly thinks that I’ve changed and grown.
Those of you who are involved in the spirit work side of things know that in many ways being a spirit worker sucks serious ass. I’ve had a number of people recently comment that it sucks big time and there ain’t a lot of perks. It’s true. I for one wouldn’t mind if serving my Boss came with free home heating oil and HD Cable.
But I know the person that I was, I know the person that I am now, and I know the path that led from A to B. I know that most people have no problem asking for dates and the like without serving the gods on a personal basis. But without the Work, I don’t know if I ever would have gotten to that point. My physical body is a map of my journey, in tattooing, branding, and scaring primarily. Each representing an important event along the way. I can point to a great many ways in which the Work has changed my mental, emotional and spiritual being as well. To be honest, some of those changes I have ambivalence about.
However, if this path has led me to a place where I can do something I (and others) never imagined I’d be able to do, like ask someone out for a date and be alright when I’m rejected, well I’ll guess I can manage to provide the cable tv on my own.